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Post by branna on Oct 2, 2011 11:58:27 GMT -5
b r a n n a || l e i l a || of i r e l a n d We will all laugh at gilded butterflies -------------------------------------------------------- February 26 Dear Diary,
Mother decided that I needed to start writing my feelings down, so I don't keep everything bottled up inside. So I guess I'll give this thing a try and see how it goes.
Today I sat alone, again, and didn't talk to anyone, again. I know I keep everyone at arms length apart, but now that I see so many people with their friends and boyfriends, I want that. My parents promised there wouldn't be any arranged marriage for me unless I wasn't with someone by the time I'm twenty. Hopefully that doesn't happen because my father would just pick some random Prince who would only use me for my title, my looks, and... well other things. I really want to keep my heart pieced together, but I also want friends and a boyfriend, but I think I've gone and driven any one away from me who would even want to be my friend. I don't want to be called the "contradicting princess" anymore. I know that I love helping people, but I never let anyone help me, and I always encourage everyone else to find love, but I never let myself find it. I just wonder if it's time for me to follow my own advice.
Well, I really don't want to write anymore.
Branna Leila of Ireland [/color]
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Post by branna on Oct 2, 2011 11:58:56 GMT -5
b r a n n a ||l e i l a || of i r e l a n d There once was a little girl who never knew love until a boy broke her heart -------------------------------------------------------- March 4, 2011 Dear Diary,
I could not sleep at all last night, I finally gave up on sleep at four and went for a jog. It started to rain so I hide under one of the many huge trees. I only got to jog for about twenty minutes when it started to rain, but I'm not complaining. Aisling joined me, she couldn't sleep either. We had talked and had a good time, then of course I had to tell her I didn't want her hurt like I had gotten hurt, and she asked questions about him. I really should have just kept my mouth shut, I should have known that she would want to know what happened, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I can't talk about it and it's been two years. I still can't say his name, or what happened, or anything.
I don't like it, he turned me into this person I am now. This shy, scared, reclusive little girl. There was a time when I was the social butterfly, sure the accident toned me down a bit, but then I met him, and we dated, I fell in love... and then he broke me. Threw me away like an old toy... I never want Aisling to feel like that, though chances are she will. She's a big flirt and guys are attracted to her like a moth to a flame. I'll be there for her, and I'll know what to do if it happens. I won't let her turn into me, I won't let her go through anything alone when she doesn't need to.
Branna Leila of Ireland JACK from caution 2.0 made this gorgeous template. He worked hard, so leave the credit on, bitch.
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Post by branna on Oct 2, 2011 11:59:24 GMT -5
b r a n n a ||l e i l a || of i r e l a n d There once was a little girl who never knew love until a boy broke her heart -------------------------------------------------------- April 10, 2011 Dear Diary,
I had been having a great day, no an amazing day... then Mattie Matvei called me, I didn't pick up, but I texted him, then he texted me. At first I wasn't going to respond, honestly I was just going to ignore him... but of course he got his way when it came to me and I gave in and texted back. Then we got into this huge, argument and now somehow I'm meeting him tomorrow at the gardens! I want to know how the hell that even happened myself. I'm the one who even said it! But I'm only going to get there at 6, and if he's not there I'm leaving and I'm going to fully leave him behind. I want to know how this all happened to me Diary... I really want to know how I still love him after ever thing he's done to me... but then there's Fernando, who's sweet and caring, and he seems really really great... I'm just afraid that if I fall for him that I'm just going to get rejected... but then again I'm still in love with Mattie my god, Matvei, and I don't know what to do anymore Diary...
Branna Leila of Ireland JACK from caution 2.0 made this gorgeous template. He worked hard, so leave the credit on, bitch.
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Post by branna on Oct 2, 2011 12:00:14 GMT -5
b r a n n a ||l e i l a || of i r e l a n d There once was a little girl who never knew love until a boy broke her heart -------------------------------------------------------- April 10, 2011 Dear Diary,
So it's only been a few hours since I wrote in you but I just got back from Aislings room... I tore my room apart after I finished talking to Mattie Matvei. I wanted to rip the pictures apart, but I couldn't. I've kept them hidden in my desk, but I took them out with the intent to rip them to shreds, only to throw them on the ground and hope they'd disappear. No such luck though, they were on the ground when I came back from Ais' room. I don't know what to do Diary. I love him, and I'm finally going to talk to him tomorrow... but I don't know what to say, or what I want to do. Should I take him back? Should I tell him to leave me alone and never talk to me again? I haven't gotten a good look at him in two years... has he changed? What's he look like? Is he taller? More muscular? So many questions, half of them not important, but I still want to know, but then again I don't. Once again, I'm at a lose of what to do in this situation diary.
Branna Leila of Ireland JACK from caution 2.0 made this gorgeous template. He worked hard, so leave the credit on, bitch.
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Post by branna on Oct 2, 2011 12:00:41 GMT -5
b r a n n a ||l e i l a || of i r e l a n d There once was a little girl who never knew love until a boy broke her heart -------------------------------------------------------- April 11, 2011 Dear Diary,
I talked to Matvei today... he kissed me. I had been so angry at him, and then he kisses me and I kissed him back and it was like nothing had happened between us. I love him, I always have and probably always will... I just... don't know what to do. He plans on proving that he loves me, and I'm kind of excited for it, but I'm still very worried also. I don't know if I can let him hurt me a second time, and I'm afraid that I shouldn't trust him. The kiss was just as I remembered it, soft and sweet... just like him. Oh diary, I know my heart can't take another break like it did with him, but should I just throw caution to the wind and let him prove me wrong? Do I want him too? Yes, I do want him to prove me wrong. I want to love him again, but I'm not going to allow that to happen until I know for sure that he will not hurt me again... Oh god, how am I going to tell Liam?
Branna Leila of Ireland JACK from caution 2.0 made this gorgeous template. He worked hard, so leave the credit on, bitch.
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Post by branna on Oct 2, 2011 12:01:19 GMT -5
b r a n n a ||l e i l a || of i r e l a n d There once was a little girl who never knew love until a boy broke her heart -------------------------------------------------------- May 1, 2011 Dear Diary,
Well today's the day, today Matvei and I are going on a... well I don't really know what to call it. I'm not sure if it's a date or not because we aren't dating or anything. He wants to prove himself so I'm giving him a chance, I do love him... I really do. But I'm not going to give my heart away- though I think I already have- before he proves that he isn't going to hurt me again. I don't think I could handle it if he hurt me again. Julz brought up something so hard for me to think about, she mentioned how my parents would react if I brought Mattie home. Would they allow him to be King of the country they love as much as they love their children? I guess I'm just going to think of that when the time comes, if it comes. Well, I better go get ready, I have nothing picked out and he just seems to make me want to actually dress up but I always have the hardest time finding something to wear. Well Diary, I guess it's time for me to stop writing and go.
Branna Leila of Ireland JACK from caution 2.0 made this gorgeous template. He worked hard, so leave the credit on, bitch.
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