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Post by katerina sofia nikolova on Sept 20, 2012 23:38:29 GMT -5
 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- She had been rather quiet since her return from home, she hadn’t even really told anyone what was going with her father. She knew that she could probably confide in Aurelia, or Chris or any of the other dozens of people that cared about her, but she felt that if she kept it quiet, it wouldn’t be real. It was stupid obviously, people didn’t become miraculously cured by their loved ones pretending that they weren’t sick. She knew that was the opposite of what she was supposed to be doing, but it was hard for her. But on the outside she tried to act like she normally would, she smiled whenever someone was trying to make her smile, she laughed and just pretended to be normal. But when she was alone, she would often just stare at her phone, like she was waiting for some type of morbid phone call to come through. She wasn’t sure why she was acting like this, her father was going to be fine. The doctors had found the sickness in its early stages, it wasn’t like there was no possibility of him getting better. But still it was scary for her, the possibility of losing her father, especially because of how close the family was to one another.
She had been on auto pilot basically all week, she went to her classes, did her homework and then went on with her life. No one could really see anything wrong with her, which is why she could just pretend like nothing was going on. She had even forgotten what an emotional tycoon she had been before she had left for spring break. Once her parents sat her down when she got back home, and told her the news, she had basically forgotten any silly trivial worries she had before. That’s why she was actually going to her tutoring session, without much emotional turmoil. Well she did have it, the butterflies were still there, the crush still very apparent but she tried her best to ignore it. She didn’t need to add that baggage into her already boggled mind. It would be best for her to just keep to herself, go to her tutoring sessions, behave and just be a good girl. Hopefully he would take it as her just learning her lesson during her time in Bulgaria and just keep at that. Because she wasn’t sure she’d be able to take anyone looking at her with too much concern, all of that emotional baggage would just be waiting for an opportunity to come out. So she grabbed her notebook, a pencil and her calculus book and she closed the door behind her. The halls were empty, as was normal for Saturday nights especially the first one since their return from spring break. So she wouldn’t run the risk of running into anyone as she made her way down to his office. She arrived quickly enough to the staff offices and she stopped for a second, deliberating if she even wanted to do calculus right now. After a few seconds of deliberation she decided that it was best to get it over with, so she knocked on the door and waiting for a response.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at derek isaac falkenberg this post has five hundred and thirty eight words katerina is wearing click here a few more things hope this is okay 
[/i] the credits go to lady antebellum for lyrics and me for the template. [/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center][/size] |
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Post by issac on Sept 21, 2012 5:12:52 GMT -5
 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Spring break had been interesting enough, emotion-wise, but pretty boring when it came to life. Derek had gotten the chance to actually fly out to the excavation site about the runes and the rocks they’d found down there, but he’d only been able to stay for approximately three days and two nights in total before he had to get back. There were way too many things to do at home before he could even contemplate flying out again, much to his chagrin. He managed to settle everything right with his parents, who were apparently having a mid-life crisis, but in the end it was only something you had to point out to them and they were fine. Otherwise, well, he was pretty much bored out of his skull. The runes weren’t coming along as nicely as he would have wanted, though granted, between himself and his former professor, they were actually making good progress all in all. He was currently stuck at one symbol that didn’t align with the known ones they had, though, and he’d been trying to work his way around it ever since returning to Vineheart. It didn’t help that school was just an additional problem in his life right now. Glancing at the stack of essays he’d had his students write, and the top one with the best grade of them all – a meagre C – he wondered whether he’d been in a super bad mood while correcting them, or whether he should consider changing the essay topic and having them write it again. That could possibly be something to consider, especially since he wanted his students to like his class, not really come here simply for credit or whatnot.
On top of everything else, he was pretty sure that seeing Kat again was going to be a bad idea. Not that he was afraid of the meeting – no, absolutely not. But he was more confused about her than he was concerned, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one bit. It was one thing if the girl had a crush on him, and he remained calm and passive and just kept her at a distance. It was an entirely other thing when he wasn’t exactly sure what this meant for himself, and what his reaction was to the whole revelation. It was almost more than he could bear really. And today was Saturday, which meant tutoring session, and that was just going to add some more pressure to his already-pressured deal. But he didn’t want to back out of these and make himself look like a coward, because he wasn’t. He could deal with this. In a fashion. Or so he hoped, at least. He would just have to wait and see. Putting down the pencil he’d been tapping against his desk for a while now, Derek rubbed his face and took off the glasses he’d been wearing. He normally used contact lenses, but after a full day of wearing them, they started rubbing his eyes and so he switched to glasses in the evening. He could still see very well at a distance, but up close he sometimes got headaches from focusing. And since he spent so much time in front of the computer, he kind of had the feeling that he needed to work on his eyes a little bit more. Oh well. A knock sounded at the door, and he knew exactly who it was. He didn’t really need much thought there. Come in, he called to Kat, since he wasn’t expecting anyone else and was pretty sure it was her. Once she opened the door and slipped through, he placed the glasses down onto his desk so he wouldn’t accidentally do something stupid to them, somehow, giving her a small smile of welcome. Hi; did you have a nice Spring break? He was trying to bring everything between them back to normal, though he was unsure how well that was going to work. But he had to try.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at katerina sofia nikolova this post has six hundred and eighty-eight words derek is wearing shirt and jeansa few more things (:
[/i] the credits go to lady antebellum for lyrics and Liz! for the template. [/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center][/size] |
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Post by katerina sofia nikolova on Sept 21, 2012 22:44:25 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- She pushed open the door when he said come in, she wasn’t even really processing what she was doing. If the circumstances were a little different, she was pretty sure she would have avoided coming her at all costs. It was what she had done after the incident, heck it had been what she had been planning to do for the remainder of the term. But she knew she really needed the help in math, and of course a distraction would be welcome no matter the shape or form. She was pretty sure that she could have just as easily gone out and party with Aurelia but she had been trying to behave lately. The last thing she wanted was to do something stupid and have her father get worse because of it. Even though she was pretty certain that her parents were unaware of the way she acted while she was away, she wouldn’t feel the same knowing that she was making stupid decisions when things weren’t going so well at home. Still she tried to focus on the questions she wanted to ask, that way the session could be as short as possible and she didn’t have to look at him as much as she normally did. Usually she tried her best to just prolong the tutoring sessions, but that luxury was over for her.
The office looked unchanged, even though it had been weeks since she had last stepped in it. She could spot the glasses on the desk, that had been rather interesting to her because he hadn’t seemed at all like the glasses type to her. But it made sense, teachers seemed to always wear glasses, even if it wasn’t at all times. She made a beeline towards her regular chair, and she set her notebook and book down on the desk, luckily for her the thing was huge so she didn’t have to worry about close contact. His question brought her gaze up, how to just brush off the talk of spring break and just move onto math. She was pretty sure if she didn’t answer it would be considered rude and she didn’t want him thinking she was rude. Okay so she could just brush it off, say it was fine and just leave it at that. Usually professors tended to just take the whole, ‘it was fine’ thing and just move on with whatever they were going to say at first. And of course that had been what she repeated to everyone who had asked her since her return, spring break was fine. That way no one would think something hadn’t gone right, she hadn’t even bothered to tell Mira, even though she was pretty sure the princess had some knowledge. She decided to just go with the normal, it was fine, answer and then just move on with whatever questions she had. They had moved on to more complicated forms of intervals, and of course graphing was a nightmare for her, so she needed help in that department obviously. But first she did have to be polite and probably ask how he was, just because she was trying to be good and avoiding getting too friendly with him didn’t mean she had to be outright rude. Actually she was pretty sure that it would have been worse to be rude, because then he would have taken it as indifference and that was obviously not the case. Why did this situation have to be so complicated, she should have just been like every other girl in school and gone with just saying nothing to him. Then she wouldn’t be in the predicament where she had to behave around him.
“It was fine, thank you” she said, “How was yours?”
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at derek isaac falkenberg this post has six hundred and twenty seven words katerina is wearing click here a few more things lord it's like be nicer Kat haha
[/i] the credits go to lady antebellum for lyrics and me for the template. [/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center][/size] |
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Post by issac on Sept 22, 2012 6:01:56 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- The moment she walked through the door and closed it behind her, Derek got the distinct sense that something wasn’t quite right. Maybe it was in the way she carried herself; but he had done two terms of psychology which, for some reason, was an obligatory elective – as stupid as that souded – during the time he’d been studying, and he’d also undergone a test for it before he got his teaching license. You needed to be able to work with people and understand them i you wanted to teach, and so he was pretty sure that something was slightly off. She didn’t seem to be her usual bubbly self; normally when she came through those doors, Derek would have a hard time keeping her from bounding all over the place, but right now she seemed subdued and actually pretty solemn, two things that didn’t really describe Kat on a general basis. He’d been teaching and helping her for long enough to realise that maybe something was going on that he should know about, something important that possibly he could help with. It was a scary prospect that he couldn’t quite detect whether or not this came from a strictly professional point of view, or whether this was because he genuinely worried about her. Well, he did, but the point was that he couldn’t really say whether he cared about her more than as healthy or even smart at this point in time, or whether he cared about her like he would for any other of his students, who weren’t the most numerous of bunches at school, and so he needed to make sure they felt comfortable and welcome in his classes.
And Kat especially needed to feel welcome, after all the fiasco that had happened before Spring break. He didn’t know though, he had a feeling she was trying to put a wall between them, and Derek didn’t know whether or not he liked it. She had always been so open and bubbly that this was a very drastic change, and not entirely for the best. Watching her as she placed her things down and sat in the chair she normally occupied, the teacher wished he could read her mind at this point. It would probably be a lot harder than they made it believe though, especially when you couldn’t turn it off either, and so he brushed the thought aside. Unfortunately for Kat though, Derek and ‘it was fine’ didn’t really go well together, especially since he’d used the excuse way too many times to count when he’d been a student. But she’d asked a question, and so he’d answer it first, then see what he could do about this sudden winter chill when it was already warm outside. It was alright; I flew around a lot so I’m glad I’m in one place again. He didn’t, however, want to confront her head-on. He’d have to be sneakier about it, and so he looked down at her textbook. So where did we leave off again? Integrals and grahing them? he asked pleasantly, but the green spots in his eyes were cautious as they watched her. Something was probably up and he would just be waiting for a slip. Did you do anything over the break about what’s in the book or do we need to revive our integral knowledge a little bit before we start? People were forgetful if they didn’t feed on knowledge all the time, he was well aware of that. Leaning back in his chair, Derek waited to see where they were currently at at this point before he’d be able to make an assessment or possibly provide her with a challenge. But all the while, he was pretty sure that he was missing something important that didn’t really sit well, and so he was definitely going to be watching her a little bit more than usual. There was no one to tell him what to do, but he honestly didn’t like this current situation in which Kat wasn’t herself. That was as plain as the textbook in front of them both.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at katerina sofia nikolova this post has six hundred and eighty-eight words derek is wearing shirt and jeansa few more things (:
[/i] the credits go to lady antebellum for lyrics and Liz! for the template. [/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center][/size] |
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Post by katerina sofia nikolova on Sept 22, 2012 21:15:02 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- She knew that it might be a surprise to him, the whole change in attitude thing. But she hoped that he’d just take it as her taking their last conversation seriously. After all it had been what he had wanted, the whole distance thing had been his idea. Obviously there had been distance while she had been in Bulgaria, but she was pretty sure he had meant the whole emotional distance thing too. Not that she expected anything else, he was her professor. There was basically this huge forbidden sign above him at all times, and she knew it was there. All she could do was blame the fact that the alcohol had made her a little too loose that night, and it had made her crush known. She had actually thought a lot about their last conversation on the plane ride home, she could have just lied to him and then she wouldn’t have put herself in the position that she ended up in. She could have lied with all of her teeth, pretending that kissing random people was what she did when she was drunk. Obviously it wasn’t something she did often, because well she had some sort of standard, but still she could have just left things like that without admitting anything. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized she had told him with hopes that something would change. The problem had been was that the change had not been what she had wanted, but she knew that it was pointless to think about it now.
All she had to do was get through the remaining two and a half months of being at Vineheart and then she’d be gone. It wouldn’t matter what her feelings towards him would be because she would be returning home and probably not coming back. Then of course the whole thing with her father had hit her when she got home, and basically all her worries about Derek had seemed so silly. There she was worrying about the fact that she had too much of a crush on a professor, and her father was ill. She had wanted to basically smack herself at how selfish she had been, she should have been more worried about the flurry of doctor appointments her father had since her return to school in January. But they had told her nothing was wrong, and it had felt about a million times worse to find out that they had been keeping it from her. But according to her parents, it had all been so that she wouldn’t have been worried. Obviously that had worked, because the only thing she had been worried about in her time before spring break was her sorry excuse of a love life. She mentally kicked herself as the thoughts crossed her mind again, but now she just needed to focus on her studies. She needed to pass calculus, and then in no time she would be back with her parents and hopefully her father would be better. She listened as he replied that he had an alright spring break, and that he had flown around a lot. She was a bit curious as to where he had gone, but of course that wasn’t math related. The whole point of her being there, was to just have him help her and that’s it. If she allowed herself to enter the train of thoughts that she usually did, well things would get complicated again.
“Sounds like fun, the travelling thing” she said quietly, as he asked where they had left off, and then he answered himself. She hadn’t retained much of the whole integrals thing, and well given she had avoided tutoring with him for a few weeks, well things had gotten worse in math, “No, there wasn’t much time for math when I was back home”
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at derek isaac falkenberg this post has six hundred and forty seven words katerina is wearing click here a few more things lord it's like be nicer Kat haha
[/i] the credits go to lady antebellum for lyrics and me for the template. [/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center][/size] |
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Post by issac on Sept 23, 2012 4:46:13 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- It was probably a very good thing that Derek had patience levels galore. There were some situations which you couldn’t force, and some people that you couldn’t press to tell you anything. Kat was one of them; he knew well enough that if she didn’t want to say something, she wouldn’t, not unless prodded and poked until she finally gave in. And while this whole emotional distance thing would have worked, there was just something bugging him and something more was wrong than just the fact that she was back in tutoring sessions with a professor she happened to have a crush on. That didn’t help matters either, but at the same time, it would have been better for her if she had just talked about it. Maybe he wasn’t the best listener since he was the object of her affection, so to speak, but he was a better listener than most, with far more competence, unless one of her classmates knew more about human psychology than he did. Derek highly doubted it. His thoughts briefly touched the rune sign he was working on and trying to decipher, but at the same time, he really couldn’t focus on that one when he head a distraught student in front of him. Whether or not she wanted to admit it, she wasn’t feeling alright, and he had a feeling this wasn’t something that had to do with him. If it had, she would have probably turned the cold shoulder, and brushed him off. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, right? Right. So that meant that something else was wrong with Kat, and Derek was curious enough to find out what it was, even if he had to do some snooping around. But he wished he wouldn’t have to do that and she would simply tell him what she wanted. It would make life a lot easier for the both of them.
He smiled lightly when she commented travelling sounded fun, and shrugged, I guess you could say that, but it was work related, so I really didn’t get to enjoy much free time. We’re trying to figure out an archeological dig, so that means I’m going to be having my nights cut short. The sooner he could figure the rune out, the better, but right now, there was another mystery to figure out and she was sitting right in front of him. He didn’t think that math was really on her mind right now; her response to his question about it had been way too passive. Kat would have normally just brush him off or tell him quite straight-forwardly that she had no time to do stupid math excercises and that she really didn’t like calculus at all. This Kat, however, was simply sitting there like she was some sort of machine, for lack of better word, and waiting for him to stay things to her. He’d never felt that he had to drag words out of her, but it was certainly a feeling today, and he didn’t like it. No, Derek didn’t like this new development one bit, and unless she was going to stop him, then he was going to say so. However, their point of meeting was in fact calculus, so he needed to focus a little bit. That’s no problem, we’ll cover ground fast, he assured her in relation to the fact that she hadn’t really done anything math-related while in Bulgaria over Spring break. Then he sat back in his chair and watched her for a moment in silence, wondering whether or not he should go in for a full frontal attack, or just ease her into the topic gently. In the end though, he simply sighed. Kat, I know we said we were going to try and figure out the little situation which happened before the break, but I’m kind of getting the feeling this little iceberg that walked through my office doors isn’t exactly related to it. The green in his eyes studied her curiously. You haven’t been yourself from the second you got in here. Is something wrong? If there was something, he felt he had a right to know, because she couldn’t focus on her school work when there was something bugging her, and if he could placate her on it just a little, then she’d get more results in calculus. Otherwise, it was just a waste of time, for the both of them. That, and he was genuinely worried about her by this point.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at katerina sofia nikolova this post has seven hundred and fifty-four words derek is wearing shirt and jeansa few more things (:
[/i] the credits go to lady antebellum for lyrics and Liz! for the template. [/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center][/size] |
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Post by katerina sofia nikolova on Sept 23, 2012 22:33:23 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- She was being polite, mostly because that was how she’d avoid problems. She didn’t want to see too interested in how his break was because she was pretty sure it would break the whole distance rule thing. Even though it wasn’t a rule, she still wanted to be good. She needed to not even be worrying about this, and she was starting to feel a little guilty because of it. She was suddenly longing for her ignorance earlier in the year, when she could be her normal bubbly self and not have to worry about how her father was doing. She was sure she would have been more upset at her parents if they would have kept it longer, after all she hadn’t been happy because they kept it from her since her return back to Vineheart. But still she wanted to have that little carefree attitude she carried around at all moments of the day, and normally she did act that way. But for some reason she didn’t feel like pretending to be her happy normal self in front of him, he was her teacher and she was sure that he wouldn’t pry too much. Especially since he had been the one that suggested that just having time apart would help the situation.
“If you need to free up your nights, I can always find someone else to help me with this” she said, “You don’t have to feel obligated to help me”
There was a part of her that hoped that he’d decline her offer, but the more prudent part of her mind was telling her it would be a good thing if he accepted. After all he had been the one to suggest the whole distance thing, and obviously not having to help her with calculus anymore would definitely achieve that. Then they would only have to see each other in class, and that was about the extent of their coming across one another. She honestly hoped he’d say no, but she would completely understand if he agreed. Still she decided to put her mind back on calculus, the more she focused on math, the better things would be. Even if calculus completely sucked, and ended up giving her a headache. After all when the hell would she need to graph an integral? She wasn’t planning on becoming a mathematician, or anything of that degree. If she decided to pursue some type of a career she was pretty sure she’d go for something that wouldn’t require such complicated math. She was pretty sure that normally she would have already voiced all of this, and gotten some sort of a reaction out him. She did it so frequently that she was sure he expected it from her. Still she kept her internal complaints to herself as she opened the chapter that they had covered this week, and nodded when he said that they’d cover the ground quickly. She was pretty sure the faster they went over all of this, the better it would be for her brain. She was reading the beginning of the chapter, waiting for him to start with his normal routine of asking questions to gauge just how much she remembered and then go from there, but it never came. What did come was something she hadn’t really been expecting and she looked up at him for a second before deciding that eye contact was a bad idea. She found herself just becoming jelly when she had direct eye contact with him, and that would not be a good idea right now. His questions threw her off guard, especially because she hadn’t expected him to actually ask.
“Nothing is wrong, I just want to keep your wishes and keep a distance” she said, even though by the fact that she wasn’t looking at him, she was pretty sure he could tell that she was lying, "And if something were wrong, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be any of your concern"
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at derek isaac falkenberg this post has six hundred and sixty five words katerina is wearing click here a few more things and that wonderful stubborn side of her does not disappear at all
[/i] the credits go to lady antebellum for lyrics and me for the template. [/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center][/size] |
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Post by issac on Sept 24, 2012 6:00:04 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- While he was sure that his Saturdays would free up considerably if he gave up on tutoring her, Derek felt entirely against that idea. He liked working through math problems, and he also liked working with Kat, because she was always so adorable whenever she figured out a problem that had been particularly hard or daunting. That simply gave him more pleasure than he could say, and he would most certainly enjoy their tutoring sessions until she didn’t actually need them anymore. So when she suggested that they stop meeting for them, he arched an eyebrow. My schedule being as it is has nothing to do with our tutoring sessions, you know, he commented, shrugging, it’s my archaeology work that’s kind of getting in the way. I always do a lot of things to the side even while I’m teaching. Trust me, it would be to the benefit of no one if we stopped having these sessions. So no. Because then he would possibly worry more about how she was doing in math than he was doing already, and that was saying a lot since he worried considerably. So he closed the images on his computer that he’d been working on previously, so he could entirely focus on what they had going on right now. This involved focusing on the problem that she seemed to be having, because he hadn’t been a teacher for long enough to read students enough, but he could read HER well enough, and he was certain something was off.
Especially when she looked down, and didn’t meet his eyes when she answered him. Derek’s signals were all squeaking about something being off, and he was pretty sure it had to do with her going home for the break. He didn’t know whether she was going to avoid him further though, so he was just going to have to be persistent about it. Just like when you were trying to get the truth out of a child, you tended to have to be patient and assertive about what you wanted, so then there was no doubt whatsoever that the kid needed to tell you everything he or she knew. While he didn’t view Kat as a child, far from it, the technique was basically the same. I really want to believe you, he replied, but I like looking my conversation partners in the eyes when I’m talking to them or they’re talking to me. He didn’t point out that not meeting someone’s gaze meant you were lying, but that was beside the point anyway. She didn’t need any more lectures from him right now, and he didn’t feel like them either. Her next words kind of hit home, but at the same time, only made him more focused on getting the information out of her, as much as he needed. Now here’s where you’re wrong, he said, it becomes my concern because something’s up and you won’t be able to focus on what we’re doing here, so it’ll be a waste of both our times. Which means that you have two options now, Kat, but I’m not entirely sure which one you’ll pick. She could cave, or fight on, and then there was the third option that he didn’t want to think about, which was her leaving his office then and there. He’d obviously try to stop her since he hated feeling like there was a problem he left walk away like that, but Derek was also just worried about her, and you could see it in his face.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at katerina sofia nikolova this post has six hundred words derek is wearing shirt and jeansa few more things (:
[/i] the credits go to lady antebellum for lyrics and Liz! for the template. [/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center][/size] |
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Post by katerina sofia nikolova on Sept 24, 2012 22:43:51 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- She waited for a reply, still having that hope that he’d tell her that it was okay and he’d keep tutoring her. That was the little selfish part of her, that even though she felt that they were at some sort of a stand still she did still want to be in his presence. She obviously wouldn’t do anything about it anymore; after all he had made it all perfectly clear when he said they needed distance. But she knew that she would completely understand if he did agree, after all it wasn’t his job to give her extra help. He was paid to teach students and offer help, but he didn’t really have to tutor her. Still she felt relief, surprisingly, when he said that him helping her wasn’t what was congesting his schedule. But she didn’t blame him for wanting to do what he liked to do, she could easily tell just how important archeology was to him, and it often made her wonder why he even bothered to teach if he loved something else just as much. Then again she knew that for some people teaching was a vocation, and they felt that they loved to do it and that’s why they kept doing it along with other fun things.
“I’m pretty sure I could manage without the tutoring sessions” she noted, “I was offering just in case you wanted to dedicate more time to archaeology”
Her voice was still lacking her normal enthusiasm, and if she was honest she was now wishing she would have just decided to back out. She could have kept on avoiding him completely, but she knew that no matter the circumstances she did need help in math. For some reason the way that her calculus professor taught her things, they just didn’t process so she had a hard time just keeping it all in mind. It didn’t help that in her head, calculus was extremely pointless. She had never voiced this opinion to her professor’s face, but she had actually voiced it to everyone else that surrounded her. Even Derek had heard her go on and on about how pointless she found the subject. But she knew that’s what happened when you tried to get so far advanced in a subject that honestly was not your strong suit. She kept her gaze firmly on the textbook on the table, she was pretty sure that looking at him in the eye would not be a good idea. She was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to keep up the façade that she was fine when she looked at his eyes. Plus the whole eye contact tended to throw her off when she was trying to lie. That was why her parents always asked for eye contact when she was lying, they knew she’d end up caving and telling the truth. But honestly she had no reason to tell him about what was going on with her father, this was supposed to be her burden, the burden of her family and that was it. She was pretty sure she could just push it all aside, and just pretend she was fine, she had been doing a good job the whole week. Sadly he could read her too well now, and that was unnerving her further and she wished she could have kept at least some of her regular personality going when she walked in. Then she might not have been dealing with him asking about what was going on with her. And he was right when he said that there were two choices, well there was the untold third choice of her leaving and that would end up making her avoid talking about it. But she knew she needed help, especially since they had that stupid quiz on Monday, and she wanted to keep her grades up with how close graduation as getting. Especially when she knew that her father would be proud if she got good grades.
“It’s not going to get in the way of my learning, I’ve been fine all week” she snapped, “All you need to know is that it is a family matter, and that’s all”
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at derek isaac falkenberg this post has six hundred and ninety eight words katerina is wearing click here a few more things and that wonderful stubborn side of her does not disappear at all
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Post by issac on Sept 25, 2012 12:29:47 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Archeology had interested Derek as a kid, especially after seeing some old movies about it from Hollywood, though he’d been told early on that it wasn’t nearly as fun or as easy as it looked like. An archaeologist could be stuck in a dirt ditch all day long, every day of the week, for months, and not find anything unless he got extremely lucky. And with this new site they were extremely lucky, even more so than just extremely, and this meant that he really needed to decide what his priority was, teaching or the other vocation. But he wouldn’t know unless he tried, and for the time being he was doing pretty good at juggling the both of them, though he got to spend less and less time with runes and old artefacts as he got more into classical languages. Then again, there weren’t that many experts on those around the world anymore, and he was slowly starting to break into this scientific sphere of it all, and so he was making a name of himself about it, and people were beginning to notice. So if he stuck with teaching for a while more and just kind of made sure he didn’t let archaeology drop to the side, then he was sure he was safe. Nothing of that meant that he would ever decline help from students who needed it though, especially not to Kat who was so obviously stubborn about this whole situation. Maybe he had gone about this the wrong way. Scratch that, he had probably gone about solving this in the wrong manner, but there was nothing more he could do about it, and her certainly wasn’t about to just let it drop like this. But at least she seemed content enough to know that he wasn’t about to just drop her like an old rag because he thought he didn’t have enough time on his hands. Time was money, but money wasn’t time, in his opinion – and you only made money if you made time. This was his primary job, after all.
I’m pretty sure I’d have more time for my research, but the fact is that I like teaching too much to just drop it, he replied with a small smile, so don’t worry, we wont’ be ignoring any tutoring sessions any time soon. And I know you would’ve managed just fine – I’ve learned that much about you in these past months, so I’m confident about it. But if I can help you get through it with a little bit more ease, then I’m sure we’ll both be happier, hm? He settled back into the chair a little bit more comfortably, taking out a cloth to wipe his glasses on it because he’d noticed earlier there was a smudge of something on both the lenses. Probably, while he’d been working so hard on translating the runes, he’d managed to get his fingers into the pencilcase with the ink bottles he sometimes used to draw something a little more accurately to the time period, and then once he’d gotten that off his fingers, he’d grabbed the glasses with the skin still being sticky and a little grimy, so now the result was on the lenses, preventing him from actually being able to use said glasses. It was a sad occurrence, really. Derek was careful while working on the item in his hands, but at the same time, his attention didn’t really stray from Kat either. Multitasking was something he was good at. Especially when he was sure he was hot on the trail of something he would much rather not worry about, but ended up doing regardless. Now that she snapped at him, Derek was pretty sure it was something way personal, and if it was a family matter, well, it was the most personal you could get. Still, he didn’t think she actually realised how snippy she was being about it. She would normally never throw it back into his face that he was just trying to help. Or would she? He would have to be careful about this. Kat, I’m not trying to pry into your private life if that’s what you’re thinking, he said softly, finishing with his glasses and placing them back onto his nose gently, I’m just trying to see if I can help you in any way. Regardless of anything else, you’re one of my best students, and I help you a lot with calculus outside of the languages class too. I’d like to think we’re at least friends aside from the usual teacher-student relationship. If you don’t want to talk about this, I’ll respect it, but you should know that you can always come to me, with anything, if you feel like you need to talk. He carefully turned the page in her textbook from where he was sitting, so that they were now on a page with a lesson, but he waited to see how she would take what he’d just said. He’d tried being diplomatic about it, but he also just wanted to know because he worried about her, quite a bit by this point. Family matters tended to announce something bad.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at katerina sofia nikolova this post has eight hundred and sixty words derek is wearing shirt and jeansa few more things (:
[/i] the credits go to lady antebellum for lyrics and Liz! for the template. [/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center][/size] |
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Post by katerina sofia nikolova on Sept 26, 2012 0:13:30 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- She knew that she was being snappy at him, but she couldn’t help it. She was pretty sure that it was kind of childish to her to just do this, but it was just wired in her brain. She had to be stubborn in some shape or form, and this was her outlet. She wasn’t her usual overly bubbly and well charismatic self, but she just didn’t feel like being that way. Even though she was sure her parents wanted her to be her normal self, it was kind of hard to walk around like nothing was wrong when things were so delicate. Well they weren’t delicate for her, but for some reason she was paranoid that one day she’d get a phone call from her mother, informing her that her father was getting worse. The doctors had given him a very good prognosis, and well things were apparently going well with all of his treatments. But Kat was also aware of how scary that illness could be, and how easily things could go from looking good to looking bad. It was a frustrating feeling for her, and all she wanted to do was yell at someone because it wasn’t fair. Especially with how full of life her father always was, that was where she got her bubbly personality from. Well it was from both of her parents, but mostly from her father. But she focused on what he was saying, and she did feel better that he at least wanted to be there and that he wasn’t doing it because he felt it was his obligation.
“Right” she said, as she continued to stare at her book.
It was better to not stare, and she knew that it was better to not stare because then she’d find herself not looking away. That was the bad thing about having to make eye contact, you had a hard time looking away when you got sucked in. And if she was being honest with herself, she knew that she got easily sucked in by him. It was sad really, just how much her crush had managed to escalate in the past few months. Really she should have just stayed as far away from him, then she wouldn’t be sitting in her chair feeling kind of jerky for snapping at him. But it wasn’t like she was used to having to share this type of news with anyone. It was why she had completely avoided telling anyone who didn’t already know. She didn’t want to have to explain to everyone that her father might die, even if his prognosis was well. She didn’t want to deal with the pitying looks, and even though she was sure that they wouldn’t necessarily be pitying looks, it would feel that way to her. She didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for her, she just wanted to keep hopes up that she’d get a positive phone call from her mother, saying that her father had gone into remission. That was the best you could hope for when it came to cancer, and she knew it, that’s what made it all the scarier to her. But just the way that he responded to her snappiness, she was feeling like a bigger jerk by the second. She was sure that hadn’t been his intention, but that’s what had happened. Still did she want to load her problems on to him when she hadn’t even wanted to do it to her best friends. But she knew why she hadn’t told anyone, she was still holding on to that whole ‘ignorance is bliss’ philosophy. Even if she wasn’t technically ignorant because she was aware, but if she pretended that everything was allright, everything would be. She bit on the inside of her cheek, knowing she’d have to apologize for being a jerk, but it was just frustrating for her, especially with the whole she was supposed to keep up that wall between them and she was pretty sure that if she allowed herself to let him know what was going on, the wall would crumble. At least on her side.
“I’m sorry, it’s just frustrating” she said, “I haven’t told anyone, I’ve been trying to act like everything’s okay, but it isn’t. I think I was hoping that if I pretended everything was okay, that it would be”
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at derek isaac falkenberg this post has seven hundred and twenty seven words katerina is wearing click here a few more things there we go, more cooperative
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Post by issac on Sept 26, 2012 4:54:13 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- That she wasn’t herself was fairly obvious, and it would have been to anyone who knew her for more than five minutes. There was no way that this serious, low-key girl was Mira’s servant. The Bulgarian princess needed someone she could confide in and someone who could hold her own against her, especially when she was having one of her tantrums or something. Right now, Kat didn’t look like she could hold her own against herself, much less someone who was as strong personality-wise as Mira. There was just no way that this was the same girl that had kissed him before Spring break. No way at all. And while Derek really wouldn’t go so far as to encourage such behaviour, he would also not just sit there and stare at her when she was so obviously down about something. Something had happened during her return to Bulgaria that had made her be like this, and she was snapping at him in order to protect herself and lick whatever wound had been created. He knew enough of her and other students, especially girls of her personality type who would do the same thing, because showing any sign of emotion would be showing weakness. He wasn’t sure whether the psychology was the same here, but he was pretty certain that it wasn’t just for nothing. Kat rarely did anything for nothing, and while she was staring at the book in front of her, Derek was pretty sure she wasn’t seeing any of the calculus in there, nor was she really thinking about math in general. Minds tended to work in the way that when you were preoccupied with something, they always kept dragging it out, and that meant that she wouldn’t focus enough to really understand what he wanted to tell her.
She still hadn’t looked up though, and that was becoming a minor problem because he could only help her when she faced him head-on and told him what was bothering her. Maybe it had more to do with what had happened between them, but seeing as she had said it to be a family matter, that didn’t really count as plausible to him. Most possibly, it would b an illness, of one of the family members, and he would try not to pry too much to get information out of her before she’d drive him nuts by simply snipping at him every time he got close. Distance, right now, wasn’t the best of their options really. If this is about your current attitude, it’s fine, he told her with a small smile on his face, but his seriousness returned as he listened to her speak. It was obviously more serious than he would have initially thought, given that she had tried pretending like nothing was wrong on the other side of the Atlantic. It was ironic really, how things could change in a matter of days or even minutes sometimes. And like I said before, you don’t have to talk to me about it – but I have a feeling you want to. By keeping it in you’re only frustrating it further. Sometimes, it just helped that you wrote it down even. Derek leaned slightly forward so that he could rest his arms on the table between them, and sighed softly. Things don’t just go away when you want them to. His voice was gentle. You can wish it, but Walt Disney doesn’t really exist in the world anymore, and there’s no more fairy dust. Unfortunately for us, we have to learn to cope in a different way. Mostly, we get irritated by it because we don’t know what to do to help. He paused again. Like me right now. I want to help you, but it’s not exactly working while you’re pushing me away, and that frustrates me. But because I just told you this, I feel a tiny bit better. Now you know about it. What you do with the knowledge isn’t my place to say. He remained immobile for a moment. What’s wrong, exactly? His voice was still gentle.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at katerina sofia nikolova this post has six hundred and eighty words derek is wearing shirt and jeansa few more things (:
[/i] the credits go to lady antebellum for lyrics and Liz! for the template. [/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center][/size] |
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Post by katerina sofia nikolova on Sept 27, 2012 22:48:54 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- There was a reason that Kat had the personality that she did, growing up around Mira made her a little bit different than if she hadn’t grown up around her. She had developed a sense of humor that no one really understood, she was a little too witty sometimes which tended to annoy others. Overall she had a rather strong personality, though she hadn’t always been such a huge flirt. She had always been a bit more reserved, well her first year or so. She sort of flourished second year, and third year she was completely okay with herself. She was a flirt, but it wasn’t to the extreme that it was now, but she knew that was because she had sort of given up on the notion of love after her disastrous first love. She could at least thank him for one thing, he allowed her to see what a delusion love could be, and that she was better off without it. But overall her rather strong personality was a result of having to be around the Bulgarian princess a lot, and well it had seemed like she had been built for the personality type in the first place. So given her rather vivacious personality, she could tell why he had picked up on something off. Obviously she hadn’t tried hard enough to be her normal self around him, then again she was sure being herself around him was a dangerous thing.
She did feel pretty bitchy now that she thought about how she snapped at him. But it was his own fault, he had been the one to say that they needed to put distance between them. She was pretty sure that the more she confided in him, the worse things would get for her. Well crush-wise. She had been rather tempted to voice this opinion to him, but she realized that thought was rather bitchy as well. She tended to get like that when she was stressed or irritated, it was at times like these when she got frustrated and started throwing things. Just like she had thrown the book all those months ago, but that would seem minor in comparison to now. Obviously the problem back then and the problems now were completely different, but she also knew that she needed to keep herself composed. If she allowed herself to break down now, well it wouldn’t be pretty. It was why she didn’t want to divulge too much information, she was pretty sure that the first person who fully questioned her would get the water works and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to come off as this weak little girl who was scared, even though that’s how she felt. That’s why she was trying to get a grip on herself, if she allowed herself to just breathe then everything would be okay. That’s why she had been so keen on pretending that everything was okay, that way she could just brush it off until she had to face the problem again when she returned home for the summer. She was pretty sure when she went back this summer, it would be to stay permanently. But he was making it so difficult to just pretend that everything was okay, because now that she looked up at him she could see the concern on his face and she had to look down again. No, she couldn’t allow herself to break down right now. She didn’t want to do that, she was here to go over calculus and that was it. But still he looked worried, and the last thing she wanted to do was worry him, and well now that he had voiced his opinion, obviously her attitude was frustrating him as well. This hadn’t been her intention, it was just that nice reflex, the survival one. Darn him, darn him and his concern that was making it hard to just ignore him and focus on stupid math. But she knew that he probably would keep asking her until she actually said something.
“I just, I know that if I talk about it, it won’t be pretty” she said quietly, “It’s something really bad, and it has the power to completely change my life, and I’m afraid if I say it out loud, it will just make it worse which is what I don’t want. Things are already bad enough”
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at derek isaac falkenberg this post has seven hundred and thirty four words katerina is wearing click here a few more things more cooperative now yay
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Post by issac on Sept 28, 2012 5:51:25 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- He felt calmer now that he had voiced his opinion about her current attitude. Derek had a way of dealing with things, if only for the moment, and he knew that the way she was venting off now wasn’t entirely personal. He just happened to be the one to ask the most questions about what exactly was bugging her, and that meant that he needed to tread carefully or risk that she would chuck the book sitting in front of her right now straight at his head. There was something to be said about fiery personalities, they were unpredictably predictable, and he did know that she was facing a hard time right now. It was obvious by the way that she couldn’t look at him without looking back down immediately, and it pained him to see her like this. She deserved so much better than having to hide her feelings and true nature, and he suspected that whatever had gone wrong at home had actually affected her a lot more than she was letting on. He wondered what it had been; maybe something with her parents. As far as he knew, she was an only child and that meant there couldn’t really be a sibling anywhere. But his thoughts were only running wild on him right now and he was making things worse because there was no way he’d be able to guess whatever was wrong, and he would only paint the blackest scenarios imaginable. He wondered whether Kat knew that, and that her suspense was only making things worse for him, and for the both of them in consequence to that. Then again she seemed so far gone right now that he didn’t need to worry about what he might possibly come up with idea-wise. He just needed to worry about her.
Fact remained that he was still her professor, and he knew her well enough to be able to push some buttons if he had to, though he didn’t want that to happen. It was one thing to push buttons in class when he wanted to stimulate his students to think harder about something or make sure they got the translation right, but another to toy with her when she was so obviously down right now. Derek immediately thought that someone had died when she’d entered the office at the beginning, but he didn’t think he would be that lucky guess-wise, and so he wasn’t about to really be too worried about the outcome. He’d deal with it later. He was always sure that the outcome would seem far more positive if one dealt with the actual situation properly first, and that right now meant talking to a very distraught female who was sitting across the desk from him. Teaching code and also work code prevented him from actually going there and offering her some actual support, because one, he had been the person to insist on distance between them, even if it was becoming increasingly difficult, and two, she could easily read this as encouragement or possibly as harassment, and he didn’t want either of that to really happen right now. What he DID want, however, was for her to stop acting like he was going to eat her alive whenever she looked up at him, and just tell him what was wrong. Pettiness aside, there were reasons why professors got hired at this school, and that was because they were competent enough to do their job even when faced with difficult situations. Like this one right now. Listening to her speak, Derek knew things were even worse than he could have imagined, and he wished he could make her feel better. Kat, listen to me, he said softly, by talking about it, whatever it is, you can’t make it worse. You only make yourself more vulnerable by expressing it, but also stronger because you face it. Like you said – when you say it, it becomes real. But you can only face down reality, if you look at it that way. Whatever else happens, it’s done, this ... situation of yours. Talking about it won’t make much of a difference, except in your own mind, where it could bring you some peace. He paused, wondering whether or not this would qualify him for a psychologist at some point. Is something wrong at home? It was probably an understatement of fact, but he couldn’t get through to her any other way.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at katerina sofia nikolova this post has six hundred and eighty words derek is wearing shirt and jeans a few more things (:
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Post by katerina sofia nikolova on Sept 28, 2012 22:28:32 GMT -5
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Luckily for her she wasn’t feeling all that flustered or attacked at the moment or else she probably would have walked out by now. She was frustrated, that was putting it lightly, but she didn’t feel attacked by him. After all it wasn’t his fault that her father was sick so she couldn’t very well just vent her frustrations at him. Even though that’s basically what he was asking, but she didn’t want to do that. After all her family situation wasn’t his to bear, he was just her teacher and that was it. But she was pretty sure that if she looked at him, he’d have that really concerned look on his face which would make it hard for her not to spill her guts out at him. But she wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, should she allow herself to become vulnerable to him? She was sure it was probably not a good idea, after all she hadn’t even told her best friends about this situation. But she knew why that was, she hadn’t wanted to burden them either. She was naturally used to taking things on by herself, there were certain personal issues she had taken on with her best friends, but she wasn’t sure if this one would qualify for that. She was having that little mental argument with herself, was this a good idea.
But he was obviously really worried because he kept on asking her, and she was trying to be as vague as possible. She didn’t want to say it out loud, it would make it real and it would make her feel worse. The possibility of losing her father was not one she was prepared to deal with, she was eighteen but that didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean that she was ready to lose her father, whom she adored, and who she was sure would leave this huge hole in her heart. But she knew that these were all the negative thoughts, the doctors had said that they had caught it early enough that he would be okay. But the little cynical voice, the negative one kept telling her that if she talked about it, if she told anyone about it, it wouldn’t help things in the least. But here he was, trying to get her to understand that he wanted her to talk about it. It was easy for him to say that, it wasn’t happening to him. That was a mean thought, and she scolded herself mentally for it. She should have been thankful that he wanted to help her out, so why was she having such issues telling him? Maybe she was afraid that he’d feel sorry for her, and she honestly didn’t want his pity. She just wanted to get through the math tutoring and just pretend that everything was okay. But no, she knew he wouldn’t let it go, if anything she knew that he was as stubborn as she was. It was one of the qualities that she admired most about him. So she had to look up, and she was really just trying to make sure that she didn’t start crying. She needed to just blurt it out and just get it over with. Maybe once he realized the severity of the situation he would let her keep going on in her little bubble of denial. Even though she was pretty sure that would not be the case as he was basically pointing out that it was bad for her to keep it all internalized in the first place. Plus if she got it out now, maybe she’d be able to tell Aurelia, or Chris, maybe she’d be able to share this terrible piece of news with the people she cared about, and she could lean on them for support. They could help her get through the remaining two months of school, and keep her thinking positive about her father’s situation.
“My father” she said finally looking up to him, “He’s sick, he’s really sick”
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- this post is directed at derek isaac falkenberg this post has six hundred and seventy three words katerina is wearing click here a few more things more cooperative now yay
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