underneath it all

[gabriella nicole of england]

GABRIELLA N. ELIZABETH

EVERYTHINGYOUWANTEDTOKNOW
ANDMORE.

[left][size=6][font=times new roman][color=CD5C5C]DEAR[color=A44A7D]JOURNAL[/color],[/color][/font][/size][/left]

[center][blockquote][size=1]blahblahblahtextblahblahblah.[/size][/blockquote][/center]

[right][size=6][font=times new roman][color=CD5C5C]LOVE,[color=A44A7D]GABRIELLA[/color].[/color][/font][/size][/right]

-------------------------
made by emmy at caution.

[gabriella nicole of england]

DEARJOURNAL,

So as lame as it may be I've decided that there's too much going on in my life right now not to write it down. So here's what you missed in the last year of my life.

Viv and I used to be super tight but ever since she started being a queen-in-training we've sort of drifted apart. Over the past few months I feel like we've re-connected and she's been pretty nice about helping me plan my wedding, but I can't tell if that's because she actually wants to or if it's our mothers doing.

As for my husband to be, well Dante and I used to be really close too. He, Viv and I were like the Three Musketeers and now I feel like he doesn't ever really talk to me. Oh yeah, at all the public events we can make small talk but I feel like he's keeping something from me. Something big. Bigger than the fact that he was helping to overthrow the Austrian prince that is. Yeah, he still hasn't explained what exactly that Clara girl was talking about, but judging by how loud she was yelling at him there was more to it than I know about now.

What am I going to do journal? How can I marry someone who's like my brother? Or, was like my brother anyway. Dante doesn't love me, there's important things he's not telling me (and we're not even married yet), and most importantly I just don't love him. Not like that. If there's someone out there for me he'd better show up soon, or else my mom will get her way, I'll be married and chained to my new husband (and his country!) for the rest of my life. I just want things to go back to how they were before the stupid announcement.

Oh god, what if they expect Dante and I to have sex?? Can you say gross?!? I so need to talk to him about this before the big day, I can't believe I hadn't thought about it before! Well I'd better go; Mom just e-mailed me pictures of different table settings Viv helped pick out. There's only 50 or so to go through so I should be done sometime next year. I'm about to break into my vodka cache and school hasn't even started yet.

Note to self: need more alcohol.

LOVE,GABRIELLA.

[gabriella nicole of england]

DEARJOURNAL,

Well at least I can't say the first day of senior year was uneventful. Oh journal, today was a total disaster! You know that gossip rag, ROYALSCANDAL? The one that always talks about who's with who and who shouldn't be with who, and anything else scandalous that happens on this stupid campus? Yeah, well I found out that well over half the school gets notified via text message, so the instant a scandal is uncovered everyone knows about it. I'm sure you're curious to know how I know this, so I'll tell you . . . VIVIEN AND DANTE WERE KISSING. That's right, Vivien, as in my TWIN SISTER Vivien was caught KISSING my FIANCÉE. One of my BEST FRIENDS. And yeah, the whole school found out at the same time I did!

I've never felt so humiliated in my entire life journal! I was just walking down the hallway toward the Biology rooms, since that's the class I had next when everyone's phone's started going off. Mine was vibrating like crazy in my pocket so I pulled it out and there were a bunch of texts from people I barely knew, asking if the rumour's were true. So I looked it up to see what they were all talking about and there it was, a picture of them sharing what can't be called a platonic kiss by any stretch of the imagination. Naturally I was pretty stunned, I mean, I'd had NO IDEA. It felt like I'd been hit by a truck. There was no way I was going to class after that, especially with the way everyone in the hallway stopped and stared at me while I walked away. It was so humiliating journal, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't look a single person in the face I was so embarrassed.

Is it bad that I feel ashamed as I write this, even though I didn't do anything wrong? I'm currently hiding in my room and debating whether it’s worth it to go to my next class. This cannot affect my marks, I’ve worked too hard to get them. But journal, why am I hiding at all? If I'm not the guilty party in this situation then why do I feel like I have a ten stone boulder inside my stomach and a stake through my heart the size of Texas? I'm really angry don't get me wrong -both of the traitors called me to talk- but I let them go to voicemail. I just couldn't talk to either of them so like the coward I'm currently being I didn't pick up the phone. Am I wrong for feeling so betrayed? Honestly, I thought they would at least have had the decency to tell me what was going on! I mean yeah I would have freaked out a little bit, but wouldn't that have been better than letting me find out through the school's trashy gossip mill?

The looks and whispering are already making me uncomfortable and I'm worried about what's going to happen when our parents find out. Maybe they'll call the whole arranged marriage thing off? Now why do I feel like that's wishful thinking? I'm really upset that Viv felt like she couldn't tell me though. It's worse because I guess if the roles were reversed I just wouldn't have done the same thing she did. I thought we were close enough that she could tell me things . . . like for example, that she was dating my fiancée behind my back! It makes me wonder what else she isn't telling me. I've decided that for the time being, I don't care. Mom and Dad will though and that freak out is going to be of epic proportions. I can just see what Mom's going to do when she finds out; call Viv and freak out, then she’ll call me and freak out, and then she’ll probably call the Queen of Spain and they’ll freak out together.

I just can’t believe this is happening to me right now. What am I going to do? Maybe I should go talk to Nada and see what she thinks; it’s always good to talk to someone outside the situation right? Oh, except . . . she’s friends with Viv too. Never mind, that would just get really awkward really fast. Okay, I feel like I’m getting nowhere with this so I’m going to lie down and take a nap. Hopefully tomorrow will be better than today. It has to be.

LOVE,GABRIELLA.

[gabriella nicole of england]

DEARJOURNAL,

So it’s been just over a week since the picture of Dante and Viv was splashed all over the internet, and I’m already exhausted. Just like I predicted, Mum called all upset and stuff. Then she said that it better now have been something I set up as a publicity thing in order to get out of my engagement! Apparently Dante’s parents are pretty upset, but since they know what their son’s like when it comes to girls I don’t think they’re as upset with Vivien as they are with him right now. I’m sort of at a loss journal, to be totally honest. It still seems sort of unreal to me, being engaged and everything else. I don’t even wear a ring because Dante never gave me one, so maybe that’s why it feels unofficial. We’ve had to go to charity fundraisers and events together for a while, but it always felt more like we were just hanging out. Except when we had to kiss for the camera, and since that was just on the cheek it really didn’t count. Cheek kisses don’t count, do they?

I think it’s pretty ironic that I’m currently playing the role of peacekeeper between my parents and Vivien, given that I’ve always been the one in trouble, while Vivien’s been pretty much perfect since we were kids. Sure, I know she got into trouble sometimes, but it was usually because they thought she wasn’t trying hard enough, not because Viv had actually done something bad. She’s always been the good one out of the two of us, which is why she’s going to make such a great Queen. I’ve never heard her talk about liking a guy before, though I’m sure she’s had crushes on at least one or two of the nobles who hung around the castle when we were younger. I feel so left out, I was so sure that after spending so much time together during the summer we’d finally started growing closer again. Yeah, stupid of me right? So much for trusting her; I feel like I want to punch them both and then cry and listen to Def Leppard and Twisted Sister with my stereo on full blast. Actually, I might go do that now just because I know it’ll piss Vivien off. She never did like my music.

LOVE,GABRIELLA.

[gabriella nicole of england]

DEARJOURNAL,

The past two weeks have been better than I’d thought they would be, to be honest. I mean, we did get assigned that really big project for Euro Histories, which I’d thought was a bad thing, but it’s all turned out really well. We weren’t allowed to pick our own partners, which totally sucked until I got paired up with Victor, the Slovakian prince who’s first in line for his own throne. It turned out to be a good thing because we both get on really well and he seems to understand what I’m going through. It’s great, I really feel like we’ve connected and as much as I hate to say it, it’s all thanks to being forced to do this project with him. Victor’s normally so quiet that he gets lost in all the noise the rest of them make, so I’d never really known anything about him before we started working together. He’s a really good listener; sometimes he seems to know exactly what I’m thinking. It’s been amazing having someone to talk to, and I feel like he’s on my side, you know? Maybe it’s all in my head, but he told me that none of what happened was my fault despite what anyone else says, and that’s sort of like taking my side right? He even called Dante an idiot, which wasn’t something I’d have seen coming from Victor at all! I’m not sure he knows just how much I’ve been thinking about the talk we had, but the things he said meant a lot.

Now I just wish he’d open up a little to me, because I don’t know how many friends he really has here at school. I think Victor thinks way more than he talks, but I’m glad it only takes a little encouragement to get his opinion on stuff. If only more people at this school were so straight forward. And for the record I do not have a crush on him. I do wish my parents had picked him instead of Dante though. Victor isn’t a womanizer and he seems like he’d know how to treat a girl. To be honest I feel bad for him being stuck in here with all these Aubreys when he’s such a nice guy. And I know what you’re thinking journal, but we aren’t like that –at least not now. Victor’s a really great guy, and we get along great but I’m not ready to like anybody yet. Setting aside the close call I had, I’m engaged and I know what it feels like to have your fiancée sleep with someone else. Despite everything Dante has put me through I still wouldn’t want to hurt him, and I’m not ready to have my heart broken again yet either.

LOVE,GABRIELLA.